Sex, Lies and Arts&Crafts

I had an assortment of ideas for my performance. I knew I wanted to talk about the ‘dramacest’ which happens on our course, I wanted to confront the negative reactions to sex and also explore the ideas of gossip and secrecy. I thought about creating some form of diagram, linking people sexually. I thought of a Blind Date type game, where an audience member had to guess who had slept with who. I thought of disguising real actions and people behind comedic characters. I had all sorts of ideas. I had decided on a game show, I had decided on using ribbon to tie people together, and that was about it. So I selected an audience. Most of my selection was random, but some of my audience I picked because a) I knew they didn’t like me or b) I knew they were quite active sexually, within the course. I wanted friction within the audience, regardless of what my performance was. A bit of sexual tension.
And then someone (I know not who) decided to spread a rumour. This rumour I am not 100% certain of, but it sparked controversy. People refused to attend my performance on the grounds that it was, essentially, immoral. When I explained to people that I was not in any way sharing people’s secrets, and there was no sex chart, no one believed me. There was one heck of a who-ha on facebook. Which worked in my favour, I got an abundance of emails of people saying ‘Can I come to your solo? It sounds great.’ No publicity is bad publicity I guess. So now I had a problem, I had a mediocre idea of discussing gossip about sex, with a feminist angle against slut-shaming, and an audience who were eager to see me do something controversial and intimate.
I thought about game shows- I knew whatever I wanted to do needed the false reality and sense of humour these shows give in order to not be preachy or just plain bitchy. I thought about my audience. What if I put everyone in a circle, and just tied together the people who had slept together, pointing out the empty seats with the reasons they couldn’t attend; babies, cowardice, performances. Then I realised that it would be interesting perhaps, but not a performance. What could be interesting for an audience in that? Also, I didn’t want to upset people by being right, or wrong.
So I went to my route; game shows. What game can I play? What would be interesting and involve my idea of gossip, and lies?
And that’s when I thought of ‘I Have Never’ or ‘Never Have I Ever’. This game is a drinking game in which people say ‘I have never ____’ and if you have done the aforementioned thing, you drink. And, every single time the game is played, it always ends up being about sex. And usually people start to tailor things to their friends; if you know a funny story about your friend, I Have Never is the way to get the whole world knowing.
But I didn’t want people to drink. I wanted people to remember it. And this also means taking away the slander problem; I don’t want to claim truths about people that may be false, or upset people (more than they already were). Also, that would have probably needed an ethical approval form of some sort, and anything which is in any way ethically questionable I’m not a fan of. I want my audience to be engaged, and unsure of whether things are true, what I actually know and what I speculate. And also, I want to give them a chance to tell me the truth. Or not, dependent on their feelings and how comfortable they were.
To help people become more comfortable and willing to play along truthfully, I knew I had to open up too. I also felt the need to add a humorous element so that people didn’t take the performance, me or themselves too seriously. So I spoke to the one person on the course I’ve had sex with (not new information to any of the audience, although admittedly old gossip that everyone was very shocked at) and asked his permission to make a joke out of it. I’d given everyone cards with a word on to shout out instead of drinking, and so when I said ‘I have never had sex with a gameshow host’ the guy had to call out ‘Emily’. This made people laugh, and set the tone; I was not taking anything seriously, it was fun, giggly gossip.
The idea of the strings was a remainder from the spidergram/tying people together concept, and also that of the Chinese mythology that we are all tied together with a fine red line which we cannot break.
Tying them to the hoop with myself in the centre was both aesthetically pleasing and linked to the ideas of a circle of truth/web of lies. It also allowed me to be in control of who was ‘free’ as I could cut the strings out.
In terms of setting up the studio, I wanted to really go for the 80′s dating game show theme. So we used blue and pink lights on the back tabs, and blue lights against the wall. The circle was lit with neutral and magenta lights, so everyone could be seen well, but the lights were brightest on me in the centre. Once the people were in and the strings were tied, the image was quite stunning. And the shadows of the falling strings (as the lights were from all directions) were quite stunning. But more on the actual performance later…

Waiting for the show to start.

Having just read through my old posts, I have realised that there is quite a substantial change in ideas and at no point have I explained this. There is a huge gap. And that just won’t do.

So, why did I drop the beat poem, and pick up arts and crafts?

Well, the main reason is of course that I realised a beat poem could be, if done badly, dull and painful to watch. If done well, it would still get boring at 8-12 minutes, and I wasn’t 100% certain I could do it well. So I thought.
I am really interested in the ideas I have on lying, and secrets. And as I did my research into lying, and secrets, I discovered that all the secrets that circulate are generally about *whispers* s-e-x. And so my new, secret idea appeared.

Don’t worry, I have no intention of just reciting a list of who everyone’s slept with. Gossip is only interesting when it’s actual gossip, me stating the sex lives of people I know isn’t.
But I have created an idea that involves my initial ideas, just without the beat poem.

More of a gameshow.

On February 1st I issued this warning on the Facebook LSPA group:
PLEASE READ THIS:
For my solo performance I am exploring the importance of lies and secrets and as such I’m creating a list of every secret I have ever been told whilst at Uni. Obviously, some of these will be you guys’ secrets, so if you think I know something that for whatever reason you don’t want the world to know, drop us a message or a facebook, and I’ll bear that in mind  I’m not naming and shaming, I’m making art! 

Now, this was not a strictly truthful warning. I was not, am not, creating a list of secrets and lies I have been told at university. It would take far too long, and most of the information although interesting would be largely irrelevant. What I wanted was to find out what people didn’t want me to share. The secrets people thought I knew. The secrets people didn’t want to share. The stories behind secrets.

Since I issued this warning I have received two messages asking not to share anything ‘I think I might know’ and a lot of people afterwards questioning what exactly I was doing. There has also been gossip heard speculating over my idea. I don’t think I’m making many friends!
No one wants me to share information that belongs to them. Why? Because 98% (estimate) of the secrets that surround our group are secrets about sex.
Who had sex with who. When. Why. Were they drunk?
And for some reason, sex is still a great taboo.

Now, sex with someone within a relationship is boring news, no one talks of that. Sex when you’re single and they’re in a relationship, now that is gossip. As is sex between two friends. Or sex between two strangers. Or sex between two people thanks to a bottle of vodka.

But why is this taboo? Why is such a natural act considering so wrong for people to do, so looked down upon? Why can’t people just have sex and not be judged?

I suspect it is somewhat to do with trust. After all, allowing someone to see you naked needs a lot of trust. And why would you trust that stranger, that well-known philanderer, someone who’s not your boyfriend/girlfriend? Trust is a big thing in today’s society. ‘I know I can trust you’ is thrown about so recklessly I wonder how often people do trust, or is that it. Do we tell secrets to people we can’t be trusted, because we kind of want everyone to know? Especially with taboo subjects, do we tell people who can’t be trusted so that everyone knows we do things that are taboo, that we’re a bit ‘exciting’ and ‘fun’?
I don’t know, I’m not going to pretend to know, I’m just speculating. I guess I’ll discover some answers soon enough.

In terms of telling a secret, solo performance as a module is interesting. I know a lot of people are outing their secrets, baring their souls. Monologue is either boasting or confessional, a wise woman once told me. And that is why we tell secrets- because we’re proud, or because we’re ashamed. Yet if we were that ashamed, would we tell those that can’t be trusted? Secrets get spread because not everyone can be trusted.

I feel a touch guilty for the topic of my performance, as a lot of people have told me I’m the most trustworthy person they know. Perhaps I am. This suggests not.
But then that too is interesting. People trusting me is important to me, to everyone, so why am I willing to break trust? Is it because people won’t see me after this performance? Is it because I’m actually terrible at keeping secrets? Is it some kind of revenge against those who have broken my trust? I don’t know.
I will update when I work it out.

Rehearsal note: Studio is booked over the weekend to do some plotting.

Because of the content of my performance, if I were to blog in detail about it the effect of it would be diminished and as such, the point of the performance would disappear. So if my posts appear vague, or lacking in depth, this is why. I shall do my best to explain my thought process without giving away the performance.

Research for the facts and lies of the performance has been interesting. A mixture of pooling group knowledge, reading and ridiculing provided much of the information for both the practical part of the performance, and the speech or voice over I will use.

I’m considering the implications of using Blind Date/ game-show style voice-over. I like the concept and think it could be really funny, but not sure if it will work with my performance. It might add a humorous element, but it might also suggest that either everything is lies, or everything is truth. I need to somehow find the middle ground between that. Just enough truth that people aren’t sure if what they’re watching.

Also, at my last count I think I’m looking at needing 50 metres of ribbon.

Needless to say, I have moved away from my idea of beat poetry and books. I decided I like the subject of lying, of truth and secrets. But I feel there are more enjoyable and interesting ways of doing it, and I’d rather play with my audience, create an interesting and unusual performance for an audience, and also I want to do something people will remember. I feel that regardless of how well I do in terms of results, my piece will be unforgettable for the audience.

Because there will only be 24 members of the audience.
Invite only.

Today I issued a warning on Facebook to the people I know stating:
“PLEASE READ THIS:
For my solo performance I am exploring the importance of lies and secrets and as such I’m creating a list of every secret I have ever been told whilst at Uni. Obviously, some of these will be you guys’ secrets, so if you think I know something that for whatever reason you don’t want the world to know, drop us a message or a facebook, and I’ll bear that in mind I’m not naming and shaming, I’m making art!
♥” 

This allows me to know what secrets people don’t want shared, and also will give me a chance to assess people’s reactions to secrets.
I know a lot of ‘gossip’ from the three years we have been at uni, and I am aware of the fact that most of it doesn’t put people in a good light- especially some of the men on our course!
People’s reactions to the sharing of these secrets will be very interesting, although I know that a lot of people probably think I wouldn’t dare to do this, I think it’s something that follows naturally with my line of interest and research, and makes something very intriguing for an audience, especially an audience with a personal interest in the words I am saying.